There is a man crossing the street talking to himself or he has Bluetooth or he is talking while the Bluetooth connects another mind prepping speech for tongue or someone is hearing or someone is listening or someone is listening for the pause triggering their own tongue or he is talking to god or he is talking to someone and that someone is also god or he is talking to another fragment of god and between them god is talking to itself or god is talking and I wrote these thoughts
Recently, I had the unique experience of participating in a podcast episode of Soul Asylum, a podcast on Blog Talk Radio. I was asked to share one of my poems, In Eulogy with the Burst.
Thank you CAL, Essama and AP Taylor for having me on. Check it out the 12/18/2020 Soul Asylum Radio episode, my portion begins at minute 20:35, but listen to the entire episode if you enjoy discussing and listening to poetry.
Find yourself a house made of brick or cement cinder block, if you can find it
find yourself a house made of stone and sit sit in the middle
when the sun comes and there is no wind and the asphalt ripples with fever sit in the house and watch yourself baking getting soft sweat slapping at your eyes sweat clumping your hair twisting and curling on your neck stare at the unit cut into the stone don’t touch it stare and know your body works you have walls, a roof and that is convenience
get yourself a house made of stone and sit sit in the middle
when the clouds come and the trees whistle and the specter of breath lingers sit in the house watch yourself tighten sealing in the juices blood oozes and muds blood sculpting clay in the fingers and toes think of fire suck down booze imagine a woman resting against you but stare stare at those tight walls taught as your skin and know that is comfort
get yourself a house made of stone and know what the rib cage is to the heart
I was caught between a train, teetering and a cliff, eroding hot coals spilled from the tops of the cars but spot would block them from searing me the train passed and I walked back on the highway got on the next train and a girl in a dress asked me if I wanted to play video games we giggled all the way to the arcade I pushed in two quarters and we played Farting Hillary Clinton’s then I woke up to snoring dogs and thirst and the taste of iron on my tongue
Make me a phone out of living bone Caulk it with marrow wrap it in tissue strap it with muscle give it some skin Taught but thin pump it with blood valve in some veins connect it to nerves massage in a brain calve in a heart some pieces missing pop in some eyes maybe some thighs wedge in a nose maybe some freckles tack on some ears oh the eyes should have tears throw on some arms and fingers that hinge toss on some legs with toes that wiggle slap on a mouth one I can kiss call in a soul one I won’t miss
How’s it going my favorite fuck face? Got off work at 10 already buzzed working 6 days and this is my day off. Sandy got sick last week so I couldn’t come out. Come to find out third Covid test is a charm. Now everyone in the house has it except Tommy. He stayed at grandma’s house right when she really got sick. So grandma doesn’t want visitors. Totally understandable. I’ve been calling him, and he just gets sad. I offered to send him toys and help me pick. He said I want my papa for 100 days. Shit day off.
And I see not much more than string wet and woven through bags pregnant with tea and bloated from water and the bubbles cluster clinging to the side of Styrofoam shaped cylindrical and the bubbles bounce in eulogy with the burst and I taste their bitter tears and set down my cup licking my lips and thinking not much more than this and I know it is everything
And of the toilet brush next to porcelain bulb resting in its holster all bristles even with the lip save one curling up from the pubis of the brush’s handle curling up and away from the toilet brush’s downward destiny curling up and away from shit and piss and vomit and gism and I have never seen a violence so complete as that bristle curling upward and away
When that orange burns through the gaps in the leaves and you pull your sweater just a little tighter and the rush hour of thoughts put you in a daze and your faced with another night sleeping alone and the dogs are whining for their walk and you’ve mindlessly opened and closed the fridge and you glance at the clock 90 times in one minute and you turn the dryer back on without even checking you know you know you’re alone but that little blue ball Bukowski’s little blue bird still hops in your rib cage keeps you pacing you know your spirit can take it you know
They pile up and you want to stop and you don’t know where to start and you can’t stop so you don’t start and they pile up and you lose sight you start stopping and you never stop starting and you start to write and that doesn’t stop you write about stopping and you can’t start and they pile up
I don’t want to smoke and I sneak away to coffee shops and think about smoking I drink coffee read Listen to people talk people laugh and I read the same line and I read the same line and I read the same line I close the book and don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare I finish my coffee grab my book head back home and I read I think about smoking and I read the same line and I read the same line and I read the same line I stand up pace outside get in my car and go to a coffee shop
Now I have the time to pay attention to the names of musicians both living and dead Michael Nyman Philip Glass Alexander Borodin Katie Von Schleicher
and I take pride because I feel what they create and now I know their names
Now I have the time to pay attention to my backyard the gophers have gone I killed all the weeds the wild parrots, escaped from the pet store 50 years ago, gather on the power line above my easement the Blue Jay’s cocking heads and hopping around the gopher holes finding grubs And I take pride because they are part of my lot and now I know their names
And now I have the time to pay attention to the names the names not belonging to me or to the other one I have the time to pay attention because I have only time