August 2021 – Whilst making a living…

A short piece.

by Marcus Jonathan Chapman

If your really knew me, you might be frightened, you may be open, you may like me or you may hate me. My life story or the events, experiences, people, thoughts and ideas that make up who I am are probably not all that different than what I may come to know about you.

My name, my age, the people whom I call mother, father, sister, cousin or friend are not all that different from your own. Twenty-six letters of the alphabet and a seemingly endless combination of characters are what we have in common, or at least what we have in common to know the details.

If we could not speak, smell, see or hear we would be left with touch. And then through feeling, I would know what I am, partly, by feeling you. There may be different parts or slightly exaggerated or understated features but what we would know, together, is our experience. Our shared experience of searching, of looking for understanding.

If we had no senses then we would not be. I think therefore I am is true but what would we think of we could not touch, see, taste, hear or smell?

So you know one thing, now, about me, that I sense, that I feel.

If you really knew me you would know yourself. If I knew myself, if I know myself, then I would know you. If you knew me and I knew you, then our singular selves would become we.

There is no unknowing once I am known, once we are known. So let me tell you what I know about you and then you will know me.

You want to be loved. You want connections so deep they pump in your blood. You want to be seen, recognized, and understood. You need not only to be heard but listened to and validated. You need to experience smell, taste and touch but only with a special few.

You are not the ocean, open to all. You are not the mountains, desert or forest that anyone can explore. You, like me, are a seed and we grow with warm soil, cool water under the radiating sun.

If you really knew me, you would know yourself and to know yourself, to really know yourself, is to know me.

If you really knew me, you would still be searching, always searching for truth, authenticity and love.