3 things to inspire 1 story written in 20 minutes. #story320
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19 minutes left to decide. Do I smoke this J and risk getting caught? or do I risk my sanity by delivering another mind numbing sermon?
The danger in the latter is that I may really let them know how I feel. That I became a priest because it’s a cushy job with plenty of time to myself. Because everyone looks up to and reveres the collar.
Today is Easter Sunday. I won’t survive, however, if I can’t do this high or a little drunk. One of the two days out of the year in which the church is full. A fact about the faith so laughable I find I cry myself to sleep at the thought.
So I will eat this cupcake full of THC and if it’s the lords will that I expose myself for an unbelieving fraud, then so be it.
If I deliver my sermon as normal, then I’ll have to go through all this mental, emotional, and spiritual torture next Sunday.
For now, I’ll have a cup of wine while the cupcake digests, then maybe have an Easter wank.
Douglas, the little 9-year-old isn’t due in for another hour, so I’ve got time.
What if i talked about the devil as a loving, caring entity who is only misunderstood? That would be too far left to be funny.
If I touted the benefits to marijuana and tied it to the creation story, would that go over well? They would definitely know I was high.
Now I’m beginning to get the giggles.
What if I preached only the parts of the bible which have lists? The lists of ancestors going on and on about who begat whom. Or the lists of supplies and resources. What if I tied it to a ludicrous message that god wants his children to make lists, then read through all the lists and say something like “make lists and think of god because the devil is in the details.”
The infuriating part is that no one would question the sermon. Even those that thought it strange would simply leave and move on with their days. THAT above all things is the most frustrating part of being a priest, lack of accountability.
The members of the church believe the clergy answer only to god but the clergy really only answer to themselves.
There is no accountability from god, or those cunt-priests touching kids would have been fried by lightening by now instead of moved around.
Maybe I’ll just go out and talk about love. If I quit now, some asshole will spew hell fire and brimstone