Now I have the time to pay attention to the names of musicians both living and dead Michael Nyman Philip Glass Alexander Borodin Katie Von Schleicher
and I take pride because I feel what they create and now I know their names
Now I have the time to pay attention to my backyard the gophers have gone I killed all the weeds the wild parrots, escaped from the pet store 50 years ago, gather on the power line above my easement the Blue Jay’s cocking heads and hopping around the gopher holes finding grubs And I take pride because they are part of my lot and now I know their names
And now I have the time to pay attention to the names the names not belonging to me or to the other one I have the time to pay attention because I have only time
We’ve been to North Carolina New York Just the two of us
In NC We saw all the green From a Mustang convertible Watched Eddie Murphy on screen Took a dip in a mountain stream Dad worked in the next room I saw porn for the first time I was still a single digit
In NY We saw mountains of glass and steel From taxi cabs and walks Viewed works of art Ate well Dad went to a conference I crossed the Brooklyn bridge and smoked I was in my early 20’s
I’m 35 We know each other’s vices We’re driving to the deserts of the Midwest We’ll see strip malls gas stations fast food On our way to beauty
You get so up in your head that you want to flash back to your BMX with the two pegs to ride down the street and back as fast as you can.
Weeks go by. Years go by.
You get so far into your projections. You want to change.
Years go by. Decades go by.
You see your family the same but they’ve all changed but they haven’t stayed the same. You make the same mistakes but with bigger consequences. All around you the t-shirts change, the science changes, sensitivity changes but it’s all still the same.
The body ages but the mind grows chaotic: A frantic camper in the rain racing to drive down stakes into mud. Stuck to stories growing mold, fuzzy but always staying the same.
The sandman doesn’t sprinkle you with dust. St. Nick can’t give you what you want. Christ could be relatable if only he’d made mistakes. You bought the world’s spirits, elixirs and potions but snake oils only erase time for nothing in return. The tooth fairy took all your teeth but I think she also has your innocence, and you never saw a dime.
Too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the soup. Too many voices in your head spoil the creativity. You can spend time but you can never buy it.
The only option is to drive down stakes into moments you never want to let slip.